Dialogue surrounding any/all dynamics of morally erotic videos. What are your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and conclusions, if any, regarding morally erotic videos: open and honest? A forum to share, discuss, or even vent feelings of confession or frustration.
There has been much discussion in the past, here on www.marriageromance.com as it relates to "morally erotic videos" and their context within christian marriage and the Bible.
This is the context from which we ourselves found this site originally, and would like to open up with others regarding their thoughts, feelings, experiences and takeaways as it relates to the use and incorporation of "morally erotic videos" in Christian marriages.
Comment by: New Subscriber Date: 1/7/2017 8:58:43 AM
We found a married couple who make videos of their love making: very well done site. Here are two of their videos:
These videos are the exact definition of morally erotic videos
Comment by: MarriageAdvice Date: 10/11/2016 2:34:09 PM
I think jealousy comes from fear. Fear of the known and fear of the unknown.
Jealousy is probably less about sex and more about security. The jealous person wants their spouse to spend time with them and not spend time with other people or other activities. The jealous person wants all their spouse's attention. And to some degree that is a good thing.
In my opinion, here are some examples of unwarranted jealousy:
Here are some examples of valid or warranted or righteous jealousy.
Men and woman are different. They have different emotional needs and different instincts and different acquired desires.
My conclusion from being married for over 30 years is that if a couple loves each other and they want to make their marriage work then they should let each other have freedom to accommodate the male/female differences.
if the wife wants to read romance novels, then let her but try and be as romantic as you can so she doesn't have to live out all her romance through books. Start watching the romantic shows your wife likes - you may like them too. I love to watch the shows my wife likes to watch.
If a husband wants to look at porn, then let him, and then occasionally watch erotic videos with him while having sex if either one of you think it will help your sexual arousal or romantic atmosphere.
My wife and I are committed to each other and we respect the differences we have in instincts, desires and emotions. They are not bad - they are God given.
We have the best marriage I have ever seen and those are the guidelines we go by.
Comment by: Cautious Date: 10/11/2016 1:03:38 PM
I agree with jezuz11 that there is the potential for good with the same room sex.
Changing the subject a bit, to address a previous post by "New Subscriber", my wife and I have watched erotic videos for over 15 years to help with our sex life and we have never felt a "relationship" with anyone in any of the videos. And our sex life is far better than it ever was before we started watching them. The freedom of knowing God is not condemning us because the Bible does not condemn us and because what we are doing edifies our marriage and our relationship with each other - is really nice. But we don't have a relationship with any of the actors in the videos.
Comment by: jezuz11 Date: 10/11/2016 10:08:40 AM
I'm not sure that I have processed all the issues behind the differences and similarities between moral erotic videos in the same room sex. The you arousal factor is one thing. Like you guys had mentioned, being aroused by a video, or the sounds of the next hotel room, or seeing a couple in the next bed over — yet having all your sexual actions directed toward your spouse, all have much of the same arousal factors... like you said, "logically."
I think it was really wise to point out the relational and social aspect. Taking into consideration some of the risk and potential harm is really valuable and important before heading that direction.
However, there's another side to it that hasn't been mentioned. Because there is more of a relational aspect to same room sex, there is actually more potential for good to arise Than simply through a erotic video. The same risk for harm is also a new risk for good. Friendships and marriages can be strengthen and grow deeper through a shared intimate experience. This is something that you cannot gets simply through a video.
But as with most things in life, there's no single right or wrong answer that applies to every single person. Much of this is based on the couples involved, the strength of the marriages, there comfortability level, and their willingness to explore and be adventurous while never losing trust in their spouse.
Comment by: New Subscriber Date: 10/9/2016 7:28:54 PM
That is a great response "Cautious": really got us thinking more. Our initial question was based purely on the "logical" aspect of difference between video and real life and not anything related to "social" or "social dynamics".
Thinking more on your response, we know that the element of "jealously" arises between couples from the video side of the dynamic as well. We have often heard, over the last 20-30 years that wives tend to more easily have jealous feelings over videos due to the "perfect body" effect: if you will. A husband who may appear to have more excitement over the body of a woman in a video, or let alone just become excited over the body of another woman. The wife being left to wonder why her husband does not exhibit the same excitement over her body.
Given the anecdotal evidence of this known fact, it would appear that jealousy is present in either scenario. So much so that women state that they feel cheated by their husbands when their husband watches the videos without them.
The thought progression that we've come to at this point is the word "relationship". That while a video is "private", and can turned on and off at any time, there is a human-factor relationship that is taking place while watching the video. There are deep psychological dynamics taking place, but at the core there is "relationship" there. Even though the physical human being is not there in the room, the mind is generating a physiological response to another being's actions. An individual can use the images from a video to masturbate; there is a relationship taking place there even though the other person is not present. One call this "desire" for another person who one has never physically encountered.
The "relationship" dynamic, which your response has opened our minds to in further thought consideration, is the core of the scenario. Of course, with the physical, in person, scenario, there would be much more intensity in all of the aforementioned harmful side effects.
It almost seems at this point that "arousal" is at the core of the overall dynamic. One can be in an apartment or a hotel room and overhear another couple having sex and become then, thereby, aroused sexually by that other couple. Arousal then begetting desire for sexual experience or encounter.
Your response definitely calls out "desire" in terms of the possible overall harm emanating from the real-life scenario. Interesting that we talk in terms of using the video as a means to ignite desire for our spouse on this site, yet desire can take a harmful path whether from video or in the real-life scenario.
Leads us to think about what are the limits and borders a married couple needs in order to protect and shield themselves from harmful effects. Obviously, videos are not harmless and as with anything there is harm and benefit to everything. Interesting to use the word "benefit" in terms of a morally erotic video, but we do think that this site has opened the door to viewing these videos as having a "benefit".
This is incredible dialogue and we can't thank you enough for your response.
We're definitely looking forward to your next response, as well as any others who may respond.
Thank you again!
Comment by: Cautious Date: 10/7/2016 7:33:10 AM
The only difference I see is that watching a video is more private. Being in the same room might with another couple having sex might have the temptation for more jealousy as compared to just watching a video together. Videos are not threatening, but when someone is in the same room there will be a social interaction between the couples which could show one spouse that their mate appears to be more attracted to the other person than to them. So jealously and in the end cheating with the other person might be more of a temptation. Some spouses might accept flirting from the other person and appear in some ways to be abandoning their own spouse.
So it's a higher risk but if the relationships are both strong, it might work.
Comment by: New Subscriber Date: 10/6/2016 7:38:50 PM
Is there any difference between a wife and husband watching a morally erotic video together or watching a couple having sex in real life?
If a husband and wife incorporate (from time to time) morally erotic videos in their sex life and as part of having sex with each other, then what would be the difference if they incorporated watching a real life couple having sex as part of their sex life and as part of having sex with each other? Some refer to this as same room sex.
We are curious to know other Christian married couples thoughts on this and are just wondering whether there is any real difference between the two: logically.
Logically speaking, and given the justifications found on this site for the use of morally erotic videos in the Christian married couples sex life, would there be any real difference between watching a morally erotic video or watching another Christian married couple having sex in real life?