Hi. This (with some editing) is largely from the perspective of a very conservative Christian wife written mainly to other Christian wives. There are words for husbands too, from a wife's perspective.These are things that have blessed our marriage, and many others as well. We hope they bless yours.
BIBLE BASIS - In Proverbs 5, Solomon shows the way for husbands to be safe-guarded against the temptations of adultery. But this is a huge temptation for both men and women in our sex riddled culture. The way to avoid adultery is sexual delight in and indulgence with your spouse.
The lips of an adulteress drip honey And smoother than oil is her speech; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword. Now then, my sons, listen to me And do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her And do not go near the door of her house, Drink water from your own cistern And fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be yours alone And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated (intoxicated one version says. I like that.) always with her love.
For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress And embrace the bosom of a foreigner? For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, And He watches all his paths. His own iniquities will capture the wicked, And he will be held with the cords of his sin.
So, the husband is to be enamored with, intoxicated by, exhilarated with his wife and their love together. And it obvious that sexual love is the point.
Obviously we wives have a huge part to play in that. We are to be as loving hind and graceful doe to our husbands. A doe deer is a beautiful animal. It is our duty to be as physically and sexually appealling to our husbands as we can. This will help them much in their quest to be intoxicated with us and only with us. Which is what they want. Remember they are visually oriented beings.
GARDENING And then in The Song of Solomon, Solomon refers to the bride or wife as a garden and no longer a garden locked. What a beautiful picture. It is a picture of sexual cultivation and indulgence between husband and wife. Read together Song of Solomon 4:7-5:1 Make my garden breathe out fragrance, Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden And eat its choice fruits!" Song of Solomon 4:16
This garden is to be beautiful and luscious. And that takes some preparation and cultivation. And in the end some indulging in the sweet fruits. We wives are our husbands garden. What a cool picture! I shiver at the thought of my husband eating my choicest fruits. And it is my duty to make my garden appealling for him. So ladies seek to be a nice, sensual, sexual garden for your husband. And open up the garden. You are not a garden locked any more. There is nothing wrong with going without a bra under a sweater or around the house in thin shirt. There is nothing wrong with wearing really sexy panties (or no panties at all), for your husband only. If it is appealling to your hubby (Mine loves bright and dark and stange colors), wear that extra make-up. Do your nails. Put on the purfume. Wear the big dangly ear rings. Put on the show. Be a beautiful flower garden for your hubby. Be a sweet and luscious fruit garden for him. Have fun with it. Play around with him with it. Make it a fun game. Tease and play.
And a word to husbands Don't expect this all the time 24 / 7. Be appreciative. Be patient. Don't be demanding. Tell her how pretty and appealling she is. Enter into the game yes, but don't go overboard. You will make it a chore for her. It is supposed to be fun. Listen to her. Talk to her. Touch her. Take her advice. And make it a two-way street. Keep up your grooming and appeal. Find out what she likes and do it joyfully.
GOING DEEPER - Now, I would like to venture more deeply into the actual experience or enjoying the choicest fruits in sexual union. My husband and I have really had some pretty exotic fun with this. It has been awesome. And it has spilled over into so many other areas of our lives together. Our advice to you is, Let go and go for it. And remember, for both husband and wife, this is and will be a key safe-guard against the temptations of adultery at any level. If sexual intimacy is good at home, the thought will come into your head and heart, Wow. It is so good at home. Why would I even think of ruining that? Why in the world would I pour poison into my, into our gardening?
This is sexual wisdom in action. Proverbs 7:4-5 Say to wisdom, "You are my sister," And call understanding your intimate friend; That they may keep you from an adulteress, From the foreigner who flatters with her words. May my beloved come into his garden And eat its choice fruits!"
In the beginning husbands and wives have difficulties getting enough of each other. The passion is strong. The spouse is perfect. Intimacy and sex is perfectly satisfying and very exciting. As time passes, as partners get to know each other, the hot excitement starts to gradually subside. This is normal life. And it is good. Comfort and warmth is good. Maximize that. The body of a partner and its reactions are entirely familiar. The novelty and the element of surprise can become rare. Boredom and same old could begin to set in. The situation could become ripe for adultery. But it doesn't have to. Passion is still there, it just manifests itself less often. It can be cultivated. Those occasional outbursts of passion are so good! What can you as a husband, or you as a wife, or - way way better as we have experienced - that you as a couple can do together to keep your sex life alive and thriving?
One of the keys lies in the desire to surprise your partner and to try something new. Though spicing up your sex life will require some effort and breaking out of the routine, believe me, the results will make it totally worth trying. Here are some categories and suggestion areas we have found to be very, very good for us. Try them on and see if they fit for you and your husband. They are in no special order just random. Enjoy.
COMMUNICATION AND EXPLORATION - Start here. Read together. Talk together. Plan together. Fantasize together. Play together. Find some intimacy (or even erotic) stories to read. Watch some instructional videos together. And remember, be open, be exploring, push your limits a bit. Keep lines of communication wide open Express fears and doubts, express desires, dreams and fantasies. Yes this will put both of you outside of your comfort zones. But keep in mind and heart what you are doing and what the end goal is. Our advice is - Go for it. A note on boundaries. Boundaries are good. Ours are this Husband and wife only period. And in action, me and him only period. Those are our only boundaries. And we have found them good ones. (Note: In many resources, you will have to supply husband / wife for boyfriend / girlfriend, but that is not a hard adjustment.)
EXPERIMENT Experiment. Try it. Many people stick only to traditional sexual practices. Once you have mastered the basics, whatever those basics are for you, then start experimenting. Here is our rule - Nothing can be considered wrong or shameful if both of you are willing to give it try. Unleash your imagination. Step out and do it. If either spouse wants to try something that the other is resistant to, my advice is, Hey; give it a try a couple of times. You may end up liking it. Try sex games. Try role playing . Make use of toys and food in your foreplay and sexual intimacy. Try some of the more extreme stuff. Discover new and unusual aspects of your sexuality. Have fun with it. Play. The opportunities are immense. Do some research. There are lot's of good resources out there. That is part of the fun! I get impatient with myself and other women at this point. We tend to have and to hold irrational reservations and hesitancies. Think ladies! This is your husband. This is your marriage. Cut loose and give it a try. Good night look at all he does for you and how many years he has done it. And hubbies please be patient. Lead gently and slowly. Suggest, request, but please don't demand or force. Make sure you have the green light before you go ahead. Take the lead - Ask her to think about what she would like you to do and then do it. Give her time to think and dream about it.
SURPRISE YOUR PARTNER - The element of surprise! Do you remember how frequently you used to surprise each other in the beginning of your relationship?
Husbands, when was the last time you did something really romantic for your partner? When was the last time you sent her some nice flowers or a love letter? Prepare a dinner for her and get the scented candles out of the closet. Redecorate the bedroom. Put on gentle music and give your loved one a massage when she comes home tired from work. Jump in the bathtub together.
Wives, try this - take the lead, be demanding, be the man, tie him up, spank him. Or more mild, get all dressed up (And I do mean all from hot lips to hot stockings and high heels! Strut in and surprise him!). Tease him. Seduce him.
Trying to please and excite your partner will help you keep your sex life enchanting. Remember those little things that got both of you turned on in the first stages of your intimacy relationship. Rediscover these little exciting rituals. And by all means discover new ones.
WILD AND CRAZY Do something wild and crazy; something that will get that great big smile.
Ladies remember your husband is visual. Try some really loud neon nail polish. Do your make up in a really wild way. Put on those huge hoop ear rings. Get some temporary, wash out hair dye and turn yourself into a redhead for a night. Tie a tiny red bow around each nipple and hang a small ornament from each one and watch his eyes and smile! Dress up like some sexy fun character Wonder Woman or Betty Boop. Let your imagination run a bit wild. And Go for it!
Or hubby, why don't you grab her (gently), pull her in very close, kiss her passionately, undress her, and well, you know; Go for it! all between the car and the house! Or maybe you could throw her over your knee, slide her pants down, massage her buns, and give her a gentle little spanking. She will sure need some well placed kisses when you are done. Or take the lead in trying new postions. New positions can be great! Get a how to book, read it together with your wife, get some ideas and try them out. And make the focus her maximun pleasure. That is the aim. Let her know that. She will love you for it.
Let go of inhibitions and Go for it! Do some of those crazy things you read about in your erotic readings together. Jump on top and ride him hard. Be vocal. Ask her how she wants it, hard and fast or slow and deep. In climaxes, let out those loud moans. Talk. Ask. Describe. Tell each other. You may have to practice this. It will sound strange to the ears at first. It is good to let each other know that you are being blown away.
TAKE IT OUT OF THE BEDROOM - Who said that the bedroom is the only place where you can be intimate? A great way to make your intimate life spicier it to try new and unusual places where the two of you can enjoy each other. How about in the car on a quiet, country road, or out in the yard at night, or on the kitchen counter, or . As sometimes, as soon as you feel the urge give in to the desire and go for it! No need for special preparations. Be impulsive. Don't resist. These simple little ventures will certainly bring the heat up.
DATING ONCE AGAIN - Though years have passed, you can once again try dating your partner. Husbands you need take the lead here.
But wives remember, dating and flirting go hand in hand. Flirt with your man. Be a little naughty with it. This is a great way to keep your sex life exciting. Let him know, without words, that you want him to want you.
And hubby once you've taken the bait, then take her out on a very nice date night. And not just once, but regularly. And romance her. Do it right. Make her feel special. Hold hands at the movie. Sit next to each other at dinner. Go for a walk in the park and kiss passionately underneath the moonlight. Use your imagination. She is your special gift from God. Treat her that way.
EXPLORE FANTASIES - It is surprising how many people still feel uneasy about exploring their sexual fantasies and the sexual fantasies of their partner. Everybody does have or can have fantasies. The key for Christians is to make sure they are channeled into and through your marriage intimacy with your spouse.
So together - Think them through, Write them down. And then read them out loud to each other. Make plans to transfer these fantasies to reality. Such experiments can give your sex life a fresh new boost. And coumminicate a lot. Talk to your spouse. Find out how you feel about erotic experiments. It is only natural to have specific desires and dream scenarios. It is also natural to have reservations and hesitations. But that is part of the fun pushing through the fear and doing it.
NORMAL AND MILD My husband and I have enjoyed (and hinted here) at some pretty wild stuff together. It may not be for you and your spouse. But it may be. The question is How will you find out? And keep in mind, we did not get to where we are over night and all at once. It took months and years of fun experimenting. The adventure was and is great.
But what I want to push here is more normal and mild intimacy. I mean the warm, slow, cuddly, left-hand-under-the-neck, right-hand-embracing, (Song of Solomon 2:6 & 8:3) gentle-kissing, making sweet love with each other. Both wives and husbands need this. The neat part for us is that all the more wild exploring and experiencing has made the mild intimacy way better too.
THE END - Keeping your sex life alive is actually pretty simple. All it takes is a little courage and creativity. And it is way more fun than gardening! You are sharing your life with a person who loves you. This is the most important pre-condition to wonderful intimacy together. Build on the foundations you have already established to make it spicier and more thrilling. Christian marriages should be the most open, imtimate, fun, strong, warm, deep, safe, intimate ones in the world. Our advice Go for it! You will not regret it.
Make my garden breathe out fragrance, Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden And eat its choice fruits!"